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The Creation Story According To Ugandan Book Of Genesis
In the beginning God created Straka and she was a ninja. And God looked at His creation and said, “Iyiii!” And He realized that there were pages missing from this creation story. And so He called Adam...
View ArticleShe Just Wants To Be Friends
Uncle Agony dear, I met this great girl about two months ago and we’ve been hanging out and enjoying each other’s company more and more since then. She has a boyfriend but I think she and I are...
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Monday Massacres: Drop The Flag
There’s this restaurant in Kampala where you walk in and take a seat. You then do that eye movement used universally to catch a waitress’s attention. She scoots over. You make another eye movement that...
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Monday Massacres: State House Blowing Money Fast
You know that a legend never sleeps. He spends his hours awake lurking in the shadows, coming out to help the proverbial old lady across the pot-hole ridden street, to hand the lady fresh from the...
View ArticleMy Boyfriend Has Serious Issues
Uncle Agony dear, I have issues with my boyfriend. He is a mummy’s boy. He likes picking fights even over the smallest things you can thing of and he is a drunkard. Banange a piece of advice. Me. You...
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Monday Massacres: The Greatest Inventions in Uganda
Over the years, we’ve seen several inventions come out of this dusty pearl; there are several others being worked on by mad scientists all over the country right now. We sent out a team to do hardcore...
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12 Steps To Success: How To Be A Security Guard
It is The Urban Legend 12 Step Guide to Success in Whatever You Do: Leggo. Think of all the people who have ever pissed you off since you were a kid and hate them. Hate them a lot. Hate them all day...
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Monday Massacres: MUK Lecturers Breaking Bad
Lecturers at the prestigious Makerere University called off a strike for an increase in their pay…probably because it costs money to send Museveni innumerable messages asking that he increases your...
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Monday Massacres: Why lipstick and a Moustache affect your performance
New police disciplinary guidelines written by Inspector General of Police, Kale Kayihura, if they are to be approved, will mean that the boys in white will no longer have moustaches. Their female...
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Who Or What Is Iron Man 3?
You have heard everyone talking about how torn they are that they went for Iron Man and found it sold out. You have seen the fire in their eyes and felt the spittle that splashed out of their mouths....
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Monday Massacres: How To Be An Amazing MP
(Mellow sound of a stream of water flowing. Deep baritone comes in over that) Here at Urban Legend Kampala’s plush, air-conditioned offices, we aim to guide you to achieve your dreams. We know you have...
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Shoulda Stopped When…| Michael Ross
Michael Ross is a decent guy and a more than decent dancer. However, as history has shown, dancers are seldom satisfied with having just one notch on their belt and consequently, Michael decided to...
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Monday Massacres: Leaked Police Se-juice-aah report
Last week, the police did a ninja on the media and shutdown very many media houses, including one newspaper and one tabloid. All kinds of curses and unfriendly stuff was sent in their direction but the...
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The Iryn Case: It Was All A Big Misunderstanding
Dear Iryn, Baby, it’s so good to have you back. To see you back on home turf, on Ugandan soil, in the land where we made you, where we love you, where you can feel safe? That’s feels great. You can eat...
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Shoulda Stopped When . . . Ray J
Ray J is Brandy Norwood’s kid brother. He is also known as that kid that appeared in several episodes of his sister’s shadow show- Moesha and One on One; a show that was populated by a cast of thick...
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Monday Massacres: Big Brother, Why You No Like Us?
A few weeks ago, Uganda sent two of its citizens to a house in South Africa to drink alcohol, be loud, try to be witty and attempt to undress someone of the opposite sex in the hope that all other...
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Shoulda Stopped When … Straka
When she was born, someone bestowed the name Pamela Otti upon her. She went through the early bits of her life with that tag and even had a couple of gigs as an MC with that name coating the microphone...
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Monday Massacres: Age ain’t nothing but the answer
True to form, we gave Angola a whip-lashing over the weekend. With Father’s day the next day, we showed them who their daddy is. They sent us Father’s day cards with “Uganda, você é o nosso papai”...
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Monday Massacres: BBC to be shut down
In a move as daft as the bad guy’s decision to make small talk with the main actor before killing him, the British Broadcasting Corporation (BBC), against James Bond’s specific instructions, aired an...
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Should Have Stopped When | Rihanna
I know, you’re probably thinking that this particular Should Have Stopped When is a tad premature, what with Riri still belting out hit after hit. However, let’s think about this seriously, if someone...
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